After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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