i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
