i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
