What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
two words: eviction party
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
