i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Hippo gnu deer
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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