I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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