my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
