Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
honey bunches of taint.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Randomize
