i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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