Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
