i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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