The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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