I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
