He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
The struggles of a small town man whore
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
