dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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