someone get that fucking seahorse.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Randomize
