You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
