I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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