How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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