My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
