I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
