sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Randomize
