lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
