yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
