That's intense
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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