haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
