He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
