shes about as inviting as chlamydia
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I FOUND THE LEGS
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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