First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
