btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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