i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
