So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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