I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
