Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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