whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
you had me at cake vodka
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
