Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
