I just pynch a tree in the face
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
