So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
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