did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
