idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
