Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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