Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
