Buhtt sex?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
