Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
