i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
