Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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