how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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