This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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