i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
