I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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