It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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