he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
