I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
