He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
